


I Had A Dream About Us

by Indiprincess



Series: ADA office after hours [23]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Petting, Hugs, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 21:50:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5801524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indiprincess/pseuds/Indiprincess





	I Had A Dream About Us

Sonny holds up his phone. "I had to come sweetheart, I missed your call."

You nod. "Would you like to come in? We could get you a place to sit and something to eat. They haven't started eating yet, just drinks and appetizers." You wring your hands unconsciously. Sonny runs his fingertips over his bottom lip as if deciding something. He nods and you turn to lead him in. "Can I introduce you to everyone? Would that be okay?"

"Yeah, let’s go in." He says, and you turn to walk in, arms crossed against the chill. Right before you get inside you see Ethan on the patio, right where you left him. He sees you both walking toward him and he straights up and smooths his suit jacket.

"Big, er, Ethan, this is Sonny. Sonny, this is Ethan, Lauren's big brother. Former linebacker for the Fighting Irish and Heisman Trophy candidate." You say excitedly bragging on Ethan, hoping Sonny is excited to meet a football star even though he's more of a baseball fan. Sonny offers his hand and Ethan shakes it heartily and they exchange pleasantries.

"Welcome. Nice to meet you, the famous detective we hear so much about."

"And you're the famous Ethan I've heard so much about. Nice to meet you man."

As jovial and pleasant the exchange was, an uncomfortable silence settles and Ethan begins to rock on his heels. "Well, uh, we better head inside. I'd like you to meet Lauren." You tell Sonny. He nods and tells Ethan again it was nice to meet him and he follows you inside. You head right for Lauren.

"Lolo there's someone I want you to meet." You interrupt her conversation and grab her elbow to take her over to Sonny, standing right where you left him.

"Sonny, this is my best friend Lauren. Lauren, this is Sonny."

"This is him?" She asks you as if he is not standing right there. "Girl done good!" Her voice drips with approval. She elbows you and you laugh behind your hand as she knocks Sonny's outstretched hand away and goes in for a hug, and then she holds him at arm’s length as if she's inspecting him. "I thought you couldn't make it. I thought you had work?" Lauren asks and doesn't leave space to answer. "So, this one here is so crazy about you..." she touches your arm and Sonny goes to look at you but finds you looking at your feet.

"Lauren... uh..."

"I tell you what, I've never ever seen her light up the way she does when she talks about _her detective_!" Lauren gushes as you shift uncomfortably. "I knew there was something different about her from that weekend. We stayed up for hours talking about the handsome detective with the shiny head, so sassy but so sweet and such a gentleman." She carries on. “She could scarcely stand to be apart from you, leaving my bachelorette weekend to use my WiFi to FaceTime for completely unchristian purposes…”

"Lauren!" You say sharper than you had wished to, cutting her off.

"What? Am I not allowed to say that? We're all friends here! I mean, you sent me a picture of your panties on his windbreaker when you finally..." Out of the corner of your eye you see Sonny's eyes go wide and you think you see a dimple as Lauren starts to mention the text you had sent her after the first time you and Sonny had slept together. Oh Jesus.

"Bup bup bup" you interrupt. "He doesn't know about those texts Lolo." You whisper.

"Oh I see." She snickers at you. "You and your secrets." She turns to Sonny. "I'm so glad you were able to join us after all. Will you be staying in the pool house too?"

Sonny turns to you. "I was hoping to." He says. You see Lauren's eyebrows furrowing, puzzling out that something is happening that she doesn't fully know. She touches your arm and leans in and whispers "Don't be stubborn brat, don't be difficult." and she kisses your cheek and winks and excuses herself to chat with the guests some more before dinner.

"Do you want to sit down?" You ask Sonny and you grab a seat on a bench at the back of the barn and sit in silence, watching people mingle.

"Lauren seems nice."

"Oh she is, she's just great." You smile and struggle for anything further to say, picking at your fingernails. You open your mouth to say something, Sonny watching you and then you stop. "Great." You say again.

"So how you been?" Sonny asks genially, he's disappointed you didn't say whatever it is you were wanting to say.

"Great! Great!" You say out of habit with too much brightness in your tone. "Busy. Working a couple nights a week at Heather's bar." You say that part much calmer, realizing how you sounded for the first part. "How have you been?"

"Good. Busy too, but good."

"I bet. You were... are always so busy."

You two sit a little while longer in your silence, watching people mingle.

"I... Uh..." you start, not looking at him.

"Hey Short Stack, they are ready to have everyone get seated and introduce the bridal party, are you ready?" He proffers his arm.

You hesitate for a moment and wipe your sweaty hands on your dress. "Uh, yeah."

He frowns at the expression on your face. "Why do you look like that? Did you eat some bad shrimp?" He teases you like he always does.

"Ethan not now." You say quietly. "Yes I'm ready."

"Easy, I was just kidding, didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend."

"It's fine.” You turn to Sonny. “You okay here? I'll be back." You say before he even has a chance to answer.

After the bridal party introductions, everyone doing a silly dance move, it's time for dinner and you sit at the head table and you see Sonny at his table, with the significant others of the other members of the bridal party, chatting and charming, smiling that smile that melts you and those dimples you adore, and you can't help but smile to yourself. You can't believe he came all this way.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Lauren leans into you and whispers, and you leap.

"Oh nothing." You say and she sniffs at you, like she's going to tell you that you stink of bullshit and you both laugh, and you cut her off before she can start. "Okay, I'm thinking that I may be luckier than I deserve.”

She follows your gaze to Sonny. "You can say that again girl. But he's pretty lucky too, don't you forget that. You're a good person with a good heart and care so much about everyone. You're lucky, but so is he."

"Thanks Lolo." You whisper. "I just..." You start. "I think I may have messed things up. I didn't want to say anything..."

Her hand on yours stops you. "Hey, you think I couldn't tell? I knew something was amiss when you got here, I just didn't want to push, you and your secrets. Always trying to be so tough. Never letting anyone worry about you." She elbows you. "But he's here, and that's a start. Things can't be as bad as you think they are if he's here." You nod and she hugs you across your shoulder and you hers, with your foreheads touching. The photographer taking a picture of that makes you two jump and breaks your moment.

After dinner everyone is mingling, and you make a beeline to Sonny at his table. "Hey, did you like dinner?" You ask.

"Yeah I did, steak and lobster? These people really know how to put on a spread!" He enthuses.

"They do, don't they?" You smile. "Hey would you like to go for a walk?" You are once again wiping your sweaty hands on your dress. That makes him smile that you are nervous. He's relieved for some kind of emotion from you.

"Yeah, absolutely."

You swallow hard. "Great. Uh, I could show you the stables. The horses are really something." You grab your clutch purse and your glass of champagne and hold it up to him and he grabs his own and you set out over the dark lawn towards the stables in the quiet night.

*************

Sonny and his girl get to the stables and she flips on the lights. "Here it is!" She spread her hands wide to show him the immaculate stables with rich walnut wood. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Sonny smiles as he watches her sipping her champagne arms spread wide, she gives a twirl as she shows him the stables. "Stunning Milkmaid, simply stunning." He whispers, with that smile she loves and the smile drops from her face. He's not sure if he said something wrong, and she sits on the hay bales and he sits next to her. "The horses, they're really neat. This place is just... Wow. So, uh, Milkmaid. About that night, that night that I was..." He sees her visibly stiffen. "The night of the interrogation..."

She puts up her hands to stop him. "Sonny, look we don't have to do this right now..."

A puzzled look crosses his face. "But in the hallway of the courthouse you wouldn't quit with wanting to talk about it."

"I know." He thinks he hears defensiveness in her tone. "But this is my friend’s wedding. I'm so glad you’re here, I truly am, but I don't want to get into it right now." He opens his mouth with what she knows is an objection, and she stops him before he can start. She doesn’t want to get into it when she can’t give her full attention. "Sonny, please. We can talk after the reception tonight if you want."

"But you were so upset that we didn't talk in the courthouse I figured you would want to talk it out right away." He says, truly surprised that she doesn't want to discuss it right now.

"Yes but there was plenty of time to talk about it before right now. You didn't have to chase me all the way to Michigan because you missed my call, all you had to do was ring my doorbell, call my phone, stop by my desk, send a carrier pigeon." She says very calmly and kindly, and that last part with a smile and a little laugh, not wanting him to misunderstand what she is saying, or to take it for rudeness, just that she has to focus on her friend, and that she wants to talk to him so badly, and will talk, but she needs to be present.

He nods his understanding and returns the sentiment just as kindly. "You know, you could have done all those things too. You could have acted like I mattered to you at all instead of throwing me out like trash and walking away from me in the courthouse."

"And when I walked..."

Ethan is in the doorway of the stables and you and Sonny both struggle to keep your irritation in check. "Short Stack, they are ready to cut the cake." He takes a sip of his champagne. "What are you two doing out here?" He winks and elbows you. "You tryin' to wipe my name off the record books?"

"Knock it off Ethan, that's not funny." You slide past him and turn back to look at Sonny. "You coming?" You ask as you walk away. He trots to catch up to you.

"Boy he’s real subtle isn’t he?" Sonny rolls his eyes when he reaches you. "What's with that remark about wiping him from the record books?" 

"Isn't he though?" You snark, irritated at Ethan suggesting you went to the stables to mess around with Sonny. "Ethan was my first... well my first everything, and our first time was in the stables." Sonny raises an eyebrow and starts to smirk. "Don't. Don't you say one word." You smile in spite of yourself. "We were fishing in the stock pond and it started to rain and we went up to the hayloft to watch the storm. He wrapped me in a blanket to keep me warm and one thing led to another." You say, looking into the distance. "It was sweet, gentle, and beautiful, so not one peep from you detective." You laugh.

His heart soars that you called him detective. He won't say a word to tease, even though you're laughing, he doesn't want to risk hurting your feelings. He simply sighs. "Yeah, he's as subtle as a nine-pound hammer.” Sonny offers with raised eyebrows and you both laugh as you walk back in.

***********

You stand with the other bridesmaids near the cake while they do the cake pull while the photographers snap away at you. You pull a star charm from the cake. That means your wish will come true. You can only hope. Once Lauren and Eddie cut the cake, you and the rest of the bridesmaids take over cutting and serving the guests. When you are finally done you grab two pieces and look for Sonny. You find him just outside the door on a bench.

"What flavor would you like? Lemon cake or red velvet?" You offer.

"Split with me?"

"I was hoping you'd ask that!" He laughs at your giddiness. You two love your sweets. You hand him the red velvet to start, and you set to work peeling the fondant off the lemon cake. One bite and your eyes roll back and he laughs at you. "Sonny, it's sooooo good. You've got to try this!" You cut a piece off and feed it to him from your fork. Him pausing for just the slightest moment to look at you before biting. When you are halfway done you two switch and he when he finishes the cake he goes to nibble the fondant. "What are you doing? You can't eat that stuff it's so gross!"

He laughs at you. "No it's not. It's really sweet here try it." You shake your head no and his hand with the fondant follows the motion of your head, you have to cover your mouth with your hand and laugh behind it for fear of him getting that fondant in there. "Open up if you know what's good for you." He orders and you snort with laughter. He quits and you two finally settle down and look at each other for a long moment. It felt so nice to laugh and have fun together. So nice, in fact, that your heart aches with it. You turn your head from him and look inside and notice Lauren beckon to you and point to the ladies room.

"Oh, I have to get back in and help Lauren." You tell him, disappointment pouring from your words. “Are you going to come in or are you going to stay out here?"

"I'll come in." He follows behind you.

Once Lauren is done in the ladies room, it's time for your toast. "I'm nervous, so bear with me." you tell everyone and offer them a nervous smile. “Lauren, I'm so honored to share in your big day. Eddie, you are getting a great woman, better than my inadequate words can express. The good things I can say about my Lauren can fill the ocean, our memories could fill Lake Michigan, the ones that I am able to share with you lot, could fill a teaspoon." Everyone laughs and you take a moment to breathe.

“Lauren and Eddie, your love story is inspiring and beautiful. It teaches us love can come to us young, hard and fast, out of nowhere. And that even when we break from love, it stays with us, we are never the same after." Lolo and Eddie had begun dating in high school and had broken up after college and lost touch for years. They met again at a high school reunion two years ago and it was like they had never been apart. "Love is the one thing cannot be touched by space, or time, or distance, or loss." You swallow back the tears as best as you can and trudge forward with a new smile. Sonny sneaks out to bring you his napkin. You thank him and dab at your eyes. "To Lauren and Eddie everyone."

****************************************

Afterward they are ready to start dancing and Lauren and her father go to take the floor and you motion to Sonny with your head to the patio. Your heart can't take the father daughter dance.

"Your speech was real nice, real nice." He says sweetly.

"Thanks for bringing me the napkin, that was so sweet of you. I'm glad you liked my speech, I was so nervous!" You laugh and sip your champagne as you two stand in an amicable silence.

"So. You said you've been busy, but how have you been besides that? You been good?" He asks

"Hey!" Ethan calls and you both jump. "Bridal party dance, are you ready?" You nod, hand to your racing heart. Sonny stays outside to catch his breath and find his composure.

In just a moment, you are back on the patio with him. Him standing at one newel post and you at the other, the stairs between you. He hears you say something softly, a mumble almost. "How's that?" He asks. You say it again and he still cannot hear.

“You’ll have to come closer.” You take a step and open your mouth to speak again but he cuts you off. "I chased you all the way to Michigan. I came 1000 miles for you" he says softly with his sweet smile that you love. "If you want me you come five feet and you get me." He says the last part still sweetly but with a bit of command in his voice his one leg kicked out in that stance he always does that sets you to tingling. He points his index finger at the ground and you take a step.

"You're getting warmer sweetheart." He says in a playful tone.

"I'm already warm." You say huskily as you take another step.

"Short Stack! I brought us some champagne! It's time to see them off!" Ethan appears on the patio.

"Come on!" Sonny yells, head flopped back in frustration. "Damn it!"

"Sonny..." You say without much conviction. You feel the same way he does right now. Ethan meant no harm but you were dying for more than one minute alone with Sonny right now.

"Of course it's you! Of course right now! Do you have a radar that goes off when we are alone longer than 2 seconds?" He shouts, you stare at him in surprise and he waits for you to do something to back him up, to say something. You say nothing, still caught by surprise. "That's just great!" He says and storms off the porch, pissed that every time he wanted a moment alone with you there Ethan came running. He goes for a walk to clear his head.

"Ethan, I'm really sorry about that..." You start, he takes your hands in his.

"No, I'm sorry. I should've given you both some alone time. I just notice you're not around cause you're my date." He smiles. "Any man who chases you to Michigan is good by me." He kisses the top of your head. "We will always have those college years."

"Always." You agree. "And Ethan," you say to your friend, looking up at him "We're friends for life, me and you, and nobody will ever wipe you from the record books, okay?" He smiles and pulls you in for a hug and you are so grateful for his understanding as you two step back in to see the couple off.

After you see Lauren and Eddie off and the wedding begins to wind down you go look for Sonny. You start at the pool house, expecting to find him lounging in there, but he's nowhere to be found in the small quarters.

You send him a text to see if he is okay and let him know you are at the pool house now. You have nervous munchies and decide to make yourself some popcorn. That will at least keep you occupied for a few minutes while you wait for Sonny's reply, praying he hadn't left, that he just went to cool off. You finally allow yourself a smile when you get a smell of the delicious popcorn after you salt and butter it, you grab the big bowl and head toward the bed to dig out your shorts and change out of your dress.

*****************************************************

Sonny slips in the pool house, quietly shutting the door behind him. He sees you there looking at your phone, with a big bowl of popcorn. “Whatcha got there?” He asks and you jump and scream at him in surprise, sending popcorn everywhere. "Jesus!" He shouts and jumps and your skin goes red instantly, from embarrassment he assumes. "Oh." he pants, his breathing had quickened by the odd scene and the scream you let out. You turn away from him immediately and drop to the floor to scrape up the popcorn you just sent everywhere. "I'm sorry I scared you Milkmaid, are you okay?"

"Yep."

"Here, let me help you with that."

"No…” you start to insist, you can do this. You were embarrassed by your reaction, and want to take a moment to do this chore on your own to compose yourself.

"Uh okay." He fumbles with something to do with his hands, uncomfortable that he’s just standing there while you are on the floor picking up popcorn. You get up and start to head to the trash can. "I'll make you some more."

"No." You start again and he cuts you off with a slap of his hand on the counter and you jump, spilling a few kernels again.

"Damn it Milkmaid, what do you want from me?" He shouts and you blink at him in surprise. "Jesus, I came all the way to Michigan for you! Your words say you’re happy I’m here but I came all this way and you haven't even touched me. Are you still that upset with me?” His breathing is hard and fast. "I screwed up okay? I know that. I'm here to try and make it right." He takes a deep breath and raises his hands. "Look, I'm not asking you to say I was right and you were wrong, I'm not asking you to say you're over it and you forgive me. Hell, I'm not even asking you to tell me that you love me or that you miss me. All I'm asking to do is make you some more popcorn that I made you spill, but you and your fucking pride will be damned if you take anything from me huh? Is that it?"

You stand and blink at him several times and grab your purse and keys off the counter and go out the door into the night. "That's fine!" He yells after you. "Run off just like last time and not talk to me about it." He knows that shot is not fair and he feels terrible that he just exploded, but frustration had gotten the better of him. He felt every step forward tonight was met with two steps back and not more than one minute alone just to talk. He knows that’s not exactly fair because it’s her friend’s wedding, but his bleeding heart and raw emotions don’t care about fair right now. He wants to fight. He wants to talk and hash this out. He wants things back the way they were, and he was prepared to fight for you two, but he can’t fight with someone who won’t engage with him. He stands and stares at his suitcase, trying to decide what his next move should be.

***************************************

In thirty minutes she is back at the pool house with a bag in her hand. "Hey Sonny?"

"Yeah?" He asks flatly, but his heart is racing knowing she’s back. He had decided to stay after all.

She sits on the coffee table in front of the couch where he is sitting. He’s in his boxers with a pillow and blanket on the couch. He doesn't look at her right away, instead choosing to look at his nails. She puts a hand on top of his to still his picking for just a moment and he looks up at her. "Hey." She says again with a softness that melts him. "I ran to Walmart and got some more popcorn. What I had made was the last of it, that's the only reason I said no." You think you see a dimple and your heart begins to soar. "I also got some stuff for root beer floats, and I bought the movie Caddy Shack." Would you make some more popcorn while I make the floats and we can watch the movie? I know it's late, but I'm too wound up to sleep, cause you’re here. You’re really here." She smiles. She thought she had made it clear enough that she was happy for him to be here, but she had failed on that front, and she’s settling in to stand her ground. She will not fail at this, not now. He doesn't answer her right away and she puts her hands on his knees and leans forward toward his face. "Sonny, look at me." He does. "I’m not asking you to say that you were wrong and I was right, I'm not asking for an explanation, I'm not asking you to beg for my forgiveness, I'm not asking you to say that you forgive me, I'm not even asking to talk about it right now. All I'm asking you to do is make some more popcorn for us and watch a movie with me. What do you say?"

He smiles sweetly, touched that you did this for him, just as touched as you are that he came all this way for you. “I say let’s do this Milkmaid.”

*****************************************

Once you have your new batch of popcorn and head into the living room on the couch to start the movie. There’s a slight awkwardness in the air brought on by the flirtiness in the kitchen. You had changed into your sleep shirt and panties, the tiniest pair you had packed, and when you strolled into the kitchen, he nearly dumped the new bag of kernels and that made turn your head quickly to hide your smile. You knew what you were doing. Then, Sonny insisted that he “didn’t know how to shake the popcorn”, you not buying it for a minute, telling him you’ve seen what he can do in the kitchen, you laughing as he insisted he needed your help to shake, that “baby, you got the best shake of anybody I know” to which you simply replied “ditto” before you both burst into laughter. You took over shaking the pan, but he had planted himself right behind you, his hand over yours, insisting with that sexy tone that he knows makes you crazy, that “he needed to learn” and asking you, whispering in your ear, his hot breath caressing your skin, fingertips barely brushing your neck as he moved your hair to ask you if you “liked it slow and gentle or fast and rough”. He kept his laugh to himself when he saw the hair on your neck rise after he did that and the shiver you were unable to contain passed through you, Sonny insisting he was talking about shaking the popcorn. So you decided to be sassy and drop your hip and arch your back and shake for all your worth, only lasting a few seconds before both of you erupted in laughter and you fell against him and his arms found their way around you in that familiar way that they always did. Then you really had to shake the pan, breaking after only a second and far before you were ready, and that had left an unease or awkwardness in the air but it’s nothing you two can’t handle, both so happy to just be close to one another for a few moments.

You both munch on your snack while the DVD starts, grateful for your cold float, still feeling warmed from the kitchen and the flirting and touching just a few moments ago after so long without either.

The DVD starts and Sonny thinks it’s so loud he can hardly stand it, he takes a quick glance at you, and you don’t seem to mind, but it really is much too loud for him. He looks around quickly for the remote and sees it’s on the other side of you and as he goes to reach across you for it, you turn and notice him right next to you and you begin to slide.

***********************

Sonny goes to reach across his girl for the remote to turn this movie down and suddenly she’s sliding her hips down so she’s laying on the couch and pulling him down on top of her, her legs opening to him, hand rubbing across his back and her nails starting to scratch as her hips begin that familiar shifting he knows all too well.

“Oh Sonny, yes, yes, I want to.” He hears that begging tone in her voice. “I really really want to. I swear I do.” She says, her hands though never stop moving over his back as he looks down at her, trying to keep the confusion from his face. “But I didn’t bring my diaphragm, I didn’t know you were coming. I want to though; I want to so bad.”

This is certainly more than he could have hoped for, her lying beneath him like this. He had felt so invisible for so long and now here she lay, her heat burning through the fabric of his clothes, barely anything between the intimate parts of them. Those hips pressing up into him, telling of her want for him. Those full lips, slick with butter and salt only inches from his, those lips that he had worried he might not get to taste ever again, are full with her rushing blood, her having bitten them over and over in these few moments, either with desire or an attempt to quell her desire, he is unsure. He’s dying to taste them again, to slip his hand beneath her shirt and caress her supple breasts until she can no longer stand it and begs him to claim that beautiful bounty as his own once again. He wants to capture with his mouth those firm peaks of flesh he feels pressing against his chest, his weight crushing into her. He’d die a thousand deaths right here to pull his boxers down and free his growing erection from the fabric constraining him. He would give anything, ANYTHING to slide her panties over just an inch and pierce her desire with his own, to press into her over and over, conveying his love for her, and her ownership of his heart, to beg her to want him, not only his body but his heart and soul as he enters her over and over. He imagines her kneeling before him, lifting his hips for her to slide his boxers down and releasing his firm member. He can just see her swallowing over and over, her mouth always waters for the taste of him right before she takes him in her mouth, and he finds that so arousing. He can practically feel her soft hair fisted in his hands as those velvet lips envelop him, her tongue swirling and teasing his length, one hand cupping, cradling, caressing between his thighs while the other works to make up the difference for her mouth to bring him such intense pleasure. Him trying to control the bucking of his hips into those lips while she moans and asks for more, asks him for his climax. He imagines doing the same to her, his mouth pressed against the softest part of her, parting her silky, sleek skin, tasting the damp, private essence of her while her hands roam through his hair and she whines and makes those little noises, the feel of her hot breast in his hand, his fingers pinching and massaging that softness while his other hand works with his mouth to bring her to orgasm, fingers sliding in slowly at first to let her adjust, her sillky insides gripping and fluttering, and him then moving his hand faster and harder, pressing in and up looking for the spot that will bring her release. He imagines trying different techniques and motions and pressure and speed to make her cry out his name and those hips that she can never keep still pressing that soft wetness into his mouth again and again until she finds the release he wants to give her, her exquisite nectar filling his mouth once she finally surrenders to his pleasurings and leaving her shaking and gasping and completely satisfied. He imagines holding her after, wrapped tightly in his arms, keeping her safe and warm while she settles, declaring her love for him as she starts to slumber.

“Sonny. Sonny.” Her voice, stifled by her longing, snaps him from his imagination. “I do want to. I do so badly, I don’t have any protection. Oh I should have bought some when I got the popcorn, but I didn’t know…”

*************************

He kisses your forehead as passionately as he’s ever kissed any part of your body ever, his wet lips pressing hard, as if to make sure you understand his desire.

“You know sweetheart,” he starts, looking into your eyes, this is as close as you have been in ages, and the most contact you have had since that day at the courthouse. “if anything were to ever happen I would take care of you. I’m a stand-up guy and you know that.” You nod beneath him, hands still gripping his shoulders, arms looped through his. “Say it.”

“You’re a good and decent man Sonny, and if anything ever happened you would take care of us.” You say, knowing that truth in your heart of hearts.

“Yes I would. And I want you so bad tonight sweetheart, so bad, but we can’t just yet...” He starts, and you interrupt him.

“Oh my God then get off me.” You push at him. “What is your problem? Do you have a hard on for torturing me by withholding sex on road trips?” You say as you push at him and he laughs. “You’ve got some serious kink shit going on pal.” You tell him as you stand up and try and walk away he grabs your wrist and pulls you back to the couch. You flop so hard the footrest kicks up he takes a pillow and lays it on your lap and drops his head on it as fast as you please so you cannot move.

“First of all, I was just reaching across you to grab the remote to turn the TV down and next thing I know, you’re sliding and pulling me on top of you.” He laughs. “And I was going to say, that I want to make love to you too babe, really bad, but we just need to talk first. You know we do, and you know I’m right.”

“Yeah, I guess. I know you’re right.” You pout for just a moment and then start laughing. He rolls onto his back so he’s looking up at you, and you stroke his hair and rub his eyebrows like he likes. When he’s had a hard day you do that, and it’s like he melts.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you what happened that night.” He whispers, his eyes closed.

“It’s okay Sonny. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I was so hard on you. I was just so surprised and so angry at her and angry at Evan Braun and angry at you and I’m just sorry.” You tell him, still rubbing, his eyes still shut.

“I just didn’t want to disappoint you. I couldn’t take it if you were disappointed in me and I know I should have talked to you.”

“Sonny, how could I be disappointed in you for someone hurting you?”

“Bella looked at Tommy different for a long time, I didn’t want you to look at me like that. I didn’t want you to see me as broken or somethin’.”

You lean forward and curl yourself around him. “Look at me Sonny.” You whisper, him enveloped by you. “I’m not Bella sweetheart and you’re not broken You're my Sweet Sonny. I’m disappointed that you didn’t tell me, and I’m disappointed in myself that there was something about me that made you feel that you couldn’t tell me what happened, but I want to work through it, if you do Sonny.”

“I do sweetheart I do. I want to work through this and get back on track and find our way back to us.” He tells you.

“That’s an answer to my prayers.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yes. I pray every night on the walk home to my apartment, on the stars in the sky that we could somehow find our way back to one another.”

“You can’t even see the stars in the city.”

“Doesn’t matter. I know they are there. I also wished on the things I could see, like every crack in the sidewalk, every cigarette butt and every pigeon bugging me.” You say that last part with a smile and a small laughing, hoping to get one from him, and that makes him smile in kind, and you rub his dimple with your thumb.

“I lit so many candles for us I thought that Father was going to tell me I needed to leave some for the other parishioners.” He swipes quickly at his eyes. “You were so upset in the courthouse and when I saw that puff in the trash I didn’t know what to do and I was afraid to even have faith that we could find our way back. Then when I saw you running away from my house, and your missed call…”

“Wait, you knew I was at your house?”

He nods. “I was waiting for you to knock, I didn’t want to scare you and make you bolt. But when I saw your missed call, I knew I had to do something, that I had to make my move. I just couldn’t wait any longer. At first I was going to ignore it and let you come to me, but I had a dream last night about us.” He starts and you smile. “And we couldn’t fix us.” The smile drops from your face. “I ran into you I guess it was a couple years down the road you were with some guy and a couple kids and you were so happy.” His voice goes strained. “You were holding a baby with dimples just like mine and we visited for a few minutes and you told me how great things are going in that really happy tone you use when I know you’re faking it, and we made polite conversation and then just before we went our separate ways, you got real sad and said how sorry you were that we were never able to fix us, that it could have been us, that it should have been us.” He sighs and you can’t stop your own tears from falling. Thinking like this just hurts too much. He takes a turn swiping at your eyes now and keeps going. “I grabbed your arm and told you to come with me, and you said it was too late, I was too late, and I told you there was no such thing as too late for us, ever. And just before you answered I woke up.”

You sit quiet rubbing his hair for a very long time. “I’m sorry I didn’t knock that day Sonny and that I didn’t wait for you to pick up, the longer we went the more afraid I got, of what you would say when you did pick up. That you wouldn’t want me, and the thought of hearing that from you just about killed me and I was a chicken shit, and for that I’m sorry. But I did tell Ethan tonight, right before I saw you, that I had to make it right when I got back to New York. That my heart will never be the same and that I didn’t know if we could be fixed, but I had to try.”

“We can always be fixed Milkmaid. Like you said after our first fight, you choose me, and I’ll choose you and we can always find our way back to one another.” He sits up and pulls you to straddle him so he can hug you tightly. “Love you. Love you so much sweetheart.”

“I love you too. So much.” You say into his neck. “Thank you for coming for me Sonny. Can I kiss you? Please?” You ask, pulling you both from your private thoughts, and the act of kissing him seeming so intimate that you don’t wish to do it without his permission.

He brushes the hair back from your face. He grips you tight as he lays down on his side and takes you with him, lying on the couch facing one another, he slings a leg over you and an arm across you and one under your neck to be completely wrapped with you. He whispers right onto your lips. “Please kiss me.”

And you do just that, cloaked by his body and his love. Kissing away the hurt of the past, and sealing that door shut with this. With his permission you let your hands slide over him, caressing him everywhere and leaving his body renewed in your wake. He had always loved your hands and right now he was positive they were giving life back to his bones. He understands what you are trying to convey, your touch wiping away the touch from that night, doing your best to take that burden from him, and casting it off. When you are done comforting and caressing him, he kisses your hands and does the same to you in kind. Kissing between your breasts in a manner that feels so intimate but not sexual. He’s kissing your broken heart back together, you understand this. With this sweet and intimate night on the couch you know it will never, ever be too late for the two of you. You both agree you don’t want to keep looking back, only forward and this is where it will start, by caresses from mouths and hands wiping away the last traces of doubt, hurt and fear, only seeking to go forward, ready to begin anew.


End file.
